Do you remember a thing called School Disco?

I think it was around 2001-2002 that it took off.

It was a UK-wide club night for adults, but masquerading as a school disco, with clubbers dressed as schoolkids, Britney Spears-style.

The music was all retro 70s and 80s stuff and the slogan was “The Best Days of Your Life.”

Now, I totally get why people indulge in nostalgia. And I think that School Disco was successful because people love a bit of kitsch.

But there was something about “The Best Days of Your Life” slogan that made me feel sad.

And now that I’m in my 40s, it feels even sadder.

Because the best days of your life should be NOW, and if they are not now, then they should be AHEAD OF YOU.

At the very least, you should have at least some belief that things could become great in your life….

That there are achievements which could deliver you a feeling of joy, excitement, pride, fulfilment and achievement that will dwarf anything you felt at the school disco.

I’ve noticed this “best days of your life” attitude with a few former school friends on Facebook. They share a lot of old photos, talk about reunions and how school was the ‘best time ever’.

Hmmm…. I don’t know…

First off, some of the people saying this weren’t actually that happy at school, as I recall. A case of rose-tinted spectacles perhaps. Or perhaps they were unhappy and then just stayed unhappy.

Secondly, while the formative years of our youth do tend to stick in the mind, I’d never want to feel that they were the pinnacle of my life.

In fact, by clutching onto this idea of our past selves, we endanger our chances of future success and happiness.

Here’s why…

The problem with your past

Looking backward puts our focus in an unchangeable past, taking our focus away from where it really should be… the here and now – and the future.

A lot of us dwell in the past. We tend to define ourselves by what our experiences have been. However awful or brilliant it might have been, the past is a place where we feel comfortable because it’s what we know.

For example, when we’re young, and we become good at something, we often hang onto this as our “talent” or “best skill”, and get frustrated if it doesn’t bear fruit as it promised.

But this is based on a limited number of experiences. As you get older you change and your circumstances alter. Sometimes clinging to these youthful talents, skills and quirks can be at the detriment of many other possibilities you’ve not explored.

The same goes for bad experiences…

When someone says, “I’m unlucky in love”, it’s because they are focussing on a limited set of experiences in the past.

Similarly when someone says, “I’m not a people person” “I’m a lazy person”, “I am poorly educated”, “I’m more a follower than a leader”.

They are describing a deficiency they’ve experienced in the past as something which describes how they are now…. as if it’s set in stone, and unchangeable.

“That’s just how I am.”

“That’s just the life I have.”

“You play the hand you’re dealt”.

Of course, bad things have happened to you. There have been mistakes. Accidents. Missteps. Grief. Tragedy. Disappointment.

I ’m not diminishing the importance of these events.

But here’s the problem…

You cannot change the events of the past.

And if you live in the past… you cannot change yourself.

Your perception of yourself is based on past experiences. It’s a story you have created about yourself to come to terms with events that have happened. This story explains who you are and helps you makes sense of the world.

It’s a fiction, though. And it can be mentally limiting.

Do you remember that I mentioned ‘self-limiting beliefs’ in my email last week… ?

Well we also tell ourselves what I’d call “self-limiting stories” – they’re the narratives we’ve created based on the experiences of the past. We cling to them, for good or bad, because they define our reality.

It’s actually scary to realise that how we think of ourselves is just a story… to let go of the old idea of yourself and accept a totally different reality.

But you need to start thinking like that…

Because if you are unhappy or dissatisfied with your life right now… perhaps it’s relationship troubles, a lack of personal fulfilment, money worries, or a wish that you could work for yourself, run a business and escape the 9-5…. then it’s not the past in which you will find the answer.

Living in the past won’t help you escape.

However, the future is different…

That’s a book waiting to be written. It’s a blank page onto which you can scribe a totally different future. It’s something you can make your own. All the forthcoming chapters of your life story can be what you want them to be – or a heck of a lot closer to your dreams than before.

I think it was great Dan Kennedy – business coach and author – who talked about this idea…

“Your Future is Your Property”

The only thing you have any power to change is your future. If you can plan out an objective, and work towards it, you can create a future of your own making.

That should be where your focus lies. That should be what takes up your waking thoughts. That’s where you should put all your energy.

Don’t dwell on the the events in your past which have already happened and cannot change. Instead, write your own, better story.

A couple of weeks I wrote you an email about planning.

If you can, go back and read it again, as it’s important – just click here if you missed it.

Far from being a boring “admin” thing, planning is one of the most essential ingredients of a successful business. And if you want to write yourself a new storyline, this is where it all begins.

After all, you cannot reach a goal without having a goal…. and that doesn’t mean a dream or an idea… it means something very specific.

Decide what you would like your future to look like. For example, “I want to work for myself from home and earn enough money to travel somewhere exotic every year.“

Then establish a goal that will help you achieve it. For instance, “I will set up an online business, developing courses in the field of business recruitment.”

Then break that into a series of steps that you need to carry out in order to reach that ultimate goal. Get them down on a calendar with deadlines and get to work.

When you do this, you focus on what’s ahead, and let the past stay in the past.